That's not assertion, Sniper
by Big J Bonk
Summary: Oneshot. Sniper decides to try something new to woo Spy, but it backfires on him. Maybe. Don't expect greatness, I don't write romance.


**This was just a stupid lil' idea I had in my head a while ago, so I decided to write it. I really hope you didn't come here expecting the best story in the world or anything. I've never been good with romancy stuff.**

 **While the mercs' names will be the canon/headcanon ones I use in my little TF2 universe, this actually takes place outside of it. In my world, the RED Spy and Sniper are just snarky buddies, not established partners. I wish I could put it in, but I won't include it in my universe if I don't think it's likely to happen. Doesn't mean I won't write it, though.**

 **Just a side note. That "Mal learning to dance" request I got forever ago? I'm animating it in SFM as a class final assignment, of all things. I'll be posting it on YouTube when I'm done, so I'll let you guys know when it's ready. Don't expect anything stellar, though. I'm still figuring SFM out, and pressed for time on top of it.**

* * *

The RED Spy was enjoying one of his favorite books by the fire, a thin cigarette idly dangling between his lips. The Smoking Room was a wonderful place if one wanted some peace and quiet; it was comfortably warm, had a lovely atmosphere, and, best of all, no one ever went in there, meaning that Spy had it all to himself. Between the crackling flames in the fireplace and his enthralling novel of two unrequited lovers, the Frenchman was in a blissful mood.

The key word being _was._

Spy's book was quite literally pulled out from under his nose, knocking the cigarette out of his lips. Spy frowned as he stared at Sniper's smug face, his first thought being that there was now going to be a small, circular burn on the chair's cushion. The thought instantly soured his mood.

"What are you doing in here, Lawrence?" Spy deadpanned.

"I thought you could use the company," Lawrence grinned, snaking closer so that he was well into Spy's personal space. He nuzzled into his neck, showering the Frenchman's jawline with little pecks. And while Spy didn't push him away, he didn't reciprocate the action, either.

"I come here to _avoid_ company, and I'll have you know that I was quite enjoying that book."

"Oh, you mean this book?" Lawrence purred, casually tossing the book to the side.

Spy did shove him away then. "That book is a collector's edition!" he snapped. "I will not have you tossing my things around in such a manner, especially something as valuable to me as that. You've probably bent the pages, too."

"The book? C'mon, Quain," Lawrence whined, his entire tone suddenly completely different. "I thought you would've loiked that. Weren't you the one who said I should be more assertive?"

"That doesn't not mean tossing my possessions aside like common filth!" Spy fumed.

"You've done the same thing to my hat, you pompous oaf," Lawrence grumbled back.

Spy knew that Lawrence enjoyed pressing his buttons with absurd insults- hell, they both enjoyed it at times- but at the moment he had absolutely no patience for it. "There is a difference between a book and that rag you call a hat! I come here to find some peace and quiet in the insanity that is this stupid war, not to be harassed by some lunatic who thinks he's being charming!" Lawrence flinched as his gaze snapped to the floor, and Spy frowned in thought. "So you are going to try again, and this time you will be a _gentleman_ about it." He pointed to the door. "Go."

Lawrence looked back up, surprise briefly flickering across his face. He smiled in a toothy smirk, and he left the room like he was told, letting the door click shut behind him. Once he was gone, Spy picked up his book, smoothing out the pages until he was satisfied that they wouldn't be permanently bent. He settled back down in his chair, crossing one leg over the other as he found his place, sighing through his nose as he read.

Seconds later, there was a gentle knock at the door, just one. Spy knew who it was. "Come in," he called.

Lawrence stepped into the room, a sheepish smile on his face. Closing the door, he came over to sit next to Spy. The Frenchman looked at him with a triumphant smile as Lawrence reached up and gently closed the book, setting it on the small coffee table. The Aussie then pulled his lover into a soft, passionate kiss.

Quain happily embraced him.

* * *

 **Because let's face it. Even if Sniper and Spy were a thing, they would argue a lot and generally get mad about everything and act like stupid kids. But then I'd like to think they'd kiss and make up.**

 **This was probably a little different than what is typical of SniperSpy (aside from Spy not being BLU). I just don't think that Sniper would be a bashful nervous wreck at the thought of being intimate. I mean, you guys saw issue 6, right? If not, spoilers, he's buck-naked the whole time in front of mostly Spy, but also Miss Pauling and literally everyone in the main cast. Does he give a shit? No.**

 **So, I hope you guys liked it!**


End file.
